Month: July 2019

Aging, Books, Creativity, Dogs, family, Life, Motorcycles, Writing

Two Steps Forward With No Steps Back

1972italy

Another chilly morning.  It’s around 45F (7C) right now.  Work will be brisk!  I’ve been awake since Chris came to bed around 4am.  He pushed Stella off the bed since she wouldn’t move over so she came to my side of the bed and tried to walk across everyone to get back to that side of the bed.  So I grabbed her and laid down and she fell right to sleep.  She had her head on my pillow  and was on her back.  Moose was on my other side and was sleeping with his head on my other shoulder.  Essie was curled up at my feet.  (Wow.  It’s cold enough the furnace just came on!)  I gave up on sleep around 6:45am.  Funny enough I was actually comfortable.  I just couldn’t sleep.

I had a good long talk with both my parents last night.  Dad has always been worried about what he knows being lost after he dies.  So I told him to get a recorder of some kind and when something reminds him of a memory or an idea to just talk to the recorder.  Once he fills so many tapes (or fills a flash drive if he is using digital) he can send it to me and I will transcribe it and  even see if we can get it published at one point.  He was surprised that I would do something like that for him.  I asked him why he was surprised.  It was fairly easy to do.  But it was such a big deal for him that he didn’t think anyone else cared.  It’s sad that he felt like that.  Regardless he is over the moon now so all is good.  I will ask him if he found the app he thought he had on his phone to record things later today.

I am proud to say I pitched an idea to the paper for an article so at the end of the month (August that is) I will be attending a local annual motorcycle rally to report and take photos.  I’m pretty excited about it.  I will do some asking around on my down time at work since the event will be in the campgrounds right behind the lot.

Essie doesn’t seem to want to be by Stella.  As soon as Moose got off the couch to go lay on “his” bed she hopped right down and took over his spot on the couch.  Now Stella has her face smushed into the pillows behind her on the loveseat.  Weirdo.  I guess I need to get myself ready for work.  Cheers!

Aging, Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, family, Learning, Life, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Drawing the Map

1972italy

Yesterday the storms never came, just the rain.  This included weather as well as my mental storms.  I am grateful for both not happening.  I am slowly making my way to the other side.  I am grateful for my support system at home.  Specifically my husband and the dogs.  When I got home yesterday my husband had finished laundry and put it away and switched out the dishes in the dishwasher.  He also cleaned up the kitchen sink.  I had planned on trying to tackle all that when I got home yesterday but I was told to just put my feet up.  The dogs are always there no matter what to cuddle and just be with me.  Moose and Essie both were doing that but I have noticed an increase in cuddling time with Stella as well.  My plants and stuffed animals have helped as well.  Sounds goofy but there it is.

This morning is mostly overcast but the sun shines brightly through every once in a while.  The temps are to be chillier today (60s versus the 70s and 80s we’ve been having (15C versus the 21-26C) but that is ok.  I need to try to get out of my head and doing some writing.  I know that doesn’t make sense at first blush.  I guess a better way might be to say get out of my own way and write.  But I think the first analogy is better.  I need to get out of my own head.  I am overthinking everything too much.  And too often.

Today’s goals are to send in my word count to the paper and work on the short story.  I may even do some yoga or atleast stretch a little.  I have been going great guns on everything for so long and lately I am barely moving.  I need to find more motivation.  I need to fan the flames before they go out all together and I have to end up working a job I hate.

Where do I go from here?  What do I do?  I was asking my self these same questions in my dreams last night.  If this is a mid-life crisis you can have it.  I would rather be living my life than sit here questioning every little thing I do.  So I guess I will spend as much time as I can looking through my pile of writing and creativity books I have and see if I can scare up some inspiration and hope.  It’s not much but atleast I am looking forward with only small glimpses back over my shoulder.

I am sorry that these past few posts have not been upbeat.  I am trying to not fake my way through all this.  I know that there are other people in the world that have similar feelings and problems.  You are not alone.  We can keep moving forward.  We have to.

 

Books, Dogs, Emotions, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Anxiety Ruling the Roost or Trying to Find the Light in the Dark

1972italy

There are to be more storms this morning after I leave for work.  The kids would be ok if it was just rain but there is supposed to be thunder and lightening involved.  I worry about them.  But there is nothing I can do sadly.

Despite my post yesterday was a bad day for me.  Once the blog post  was done I went ahead and submitted my book review.  By the time I had completed that my mental state was a shambles.  I was worried about everything.  I was freaked out by everything.  My anxiety sky rocketed as the day went on.  I hardly played with the kids.  I pretty much sat in front of the tv trying to lose myself in other places than my own problems.  This morning is better but not by much.  I can atleast function this morning.

Stella doesn’t feel good which means she probably ate something she shouldn’t have.  She got me up around 4:15am and spent about and hour outside then again around 6:40am.  At that point I let her out and just stayed up.  Essie and Moose are both a bit mopey but I think that is because they are worried about me.

Still no one to work on the garage.  Still no doors for the garage or other missing parts.  So I’m not sure what we are going to do.  Sadly I think a lawyer might be consulted.  At the rate we are going I don’t think it will be ready for Fall.  Again.  The contractor is back to not answering his phone or returning our calls.  I will try again from work if I have time.  Speaking of which I need to get ready to go.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

My lavender is blooming
as are the petunias
Moose chillin’
Stella and Essie waiting for me to throw their toys
Emotions, family, History, Learning, Life, Movies, Nature, Thinking

The Beginning…

1972italy

Another late night last night.  This time we were up watching “Jaws” in honor of Shark Week.  We are still divided as the best way to view sharks.  I want to be in the water with them and Chris prefers to watch from a boat.  Chris because curious and fell in love with sharks because of that movie.  I on the other hand never really cared until I met Chris.  He is the one who taught me more about sharks (despite all the research and learning on ocean life that I had done on my own) than anyone else.  And you don’t want to watch a shark documentary with him either.  If there is a mistake he will find it and he will point it out.

I always found it funny that for all our knowledge we know less about our oceans than we do about other planets.  But is that good or bad?  What would we do with the knowledge?  Or would we continue to dive deeper and deeper to bring things up to study them that are better left alone?  I don’t mean horror movie monster I mean the last of a species or just plain we don’t need to kill something to learn about it.  I know, you can’t have it both ways.  You either gain the knowledge or don’t.

Sharks are fascinating though.  Oldest animals (I use the term very loosely here) on the planet virtually unchanged for thousands of years.  Ok, millions.  I just did some nosing around and sharks are actually older than trees!  The oldest is the Goblin shark.  They are 118 million years old.  How about that!  Amazing that Nature created “perfect” animals that never had to change in millions of years.  Imagine if that had been humans.  What if we had never changed?  Where would we be?  What would we be?  Something to ponder…

Well happy beginning of Shark Week!  Cheers!

Creativity, Dogs, Life, Nature, Writing

Feelin’ the Creative Juices

1972italy

Good morning to all!  We got hit last night in the wee hours with a bunch of storms.  I didn’t think we were supposed to get any weather but we did, in spades!  Moose was his awesome self and just slept through it.  Essie was the one who actually woke me when she all but laid on me panting and shaking.  Not long after she woke me Stella came in panting and shaking.  So I turned the bedroom light on and settled the girls as best I could.  I got them to lay down but every time a thunder boom hit they’d pop right back up to sitting position.  The storms lasted a few hours.  And but the darkening of the skies outside I’m guessing that there is more weather on the way.  I mean it is really really dark out there.  Not much breeze either.  I hope I am not hearing thunder.

I need to type in and submit one book review and then wrap up the other one.  I also need to print out the articles I’ve written and do my word count so I can send that in.  I want to try working on that short story I started as well.  I am feeling more positive about things today.  Hopefully I can keep the momentum going through the weekend.

I can hear Stella snoring behind me.  I am debating about whether or not to go to the Pirate Festival that started this weekend.  I have wanted to go for a few years now but never had the time off.  I have the time off…  So the question remains do I want to drive an hour to go to the Pirate Festival.  I kinda do.  Hmmmm.  Upon further research I have found that the Pirates are merely invading the Venetian Festival.  The second weekend in August is the Pirate Festival and that is only 30 minutes away.  So I think I will ask Chris if he wants to go that weekend.  If not then I can go on my own.

I think I will wrap this up and get going with my book reviews.  I hope everyone has a great day!  Cheers!

Dogs, Life, Motorcycles, Writing

It’s Almost the Weekend

1972italy

This morning has dawned with a chill but bright.  I am grateful for all the positive input for the interview I shared yesterday.  I have a book review that should be published soon as well as one more in the pipes to go out this weekend.  I also have one that I need to get typed into the various sites like Goodreads and Amazon.  That will be for this weekend.

I’m not sure how busy I will be at work today.  That is ok.  I will bring stuff to read.  It is supposed to be another warm day so we’ll see how things fare.  I truthfully don’t know what to write about this morning.  I spent pretty much all of yesterday either in pan or in a funk.  I moved the bike out of the garage.  They need to fix that.  I almost dumped the bike getting it off the bike pad because the rain has washed away all the sand they piled up there (oh surprise!) so it’s a drop of almost 3-4 inches into very loose sand.  The bike tried to go one way and my feet were all over the place in the sand trying not to slide.  Ha ha ha.  It wasn’t pretty but I am very grateful that I didn’t go down.  They are supposed to be here today to do some work (no idea what since there has been no delivery of supplies).  They better figure out the entrances to both the cement areas so that they are motorcycle friendly.  I’m not holding my breath as to if they will show up today.  It has been over a year and after that week’s spurt of action nothing has happened.  We don’t even have any doors except for the regular one that goes to the backyard.

Today I just want to sleep.  I’m sure the kids will want to play since we didn’t do much yesterday.  We played a little but it just got too hot to keep throwing toys.  Stella did get zoomies once or twice and that got them going but most of the time everyone was laying down.  They were very patient with me.  I guess I’d better wrap this up and get ready for work.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

Stella
Essie
Moose
some of the blooms in the gardens
I was trying to capture the shimmer on the petals
Creativity, Dogs, dreams, Emotions, Learning, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Thinking, Writing

Trusting yourself

1972italy

I have put off doing this in hopes that my back would feel better.  It does but it still aches.  I’m not sure if it is from work or sleeping with the kids.  Probably a combination of both.  I didn’t realize how heavy the stuff I was hauling out of the vehicles was apparently til this morning.

I find myself trying to cheer myself on with my writing.  I am frustrated.  I lack motivation.  People want to read what I write but… I guess I just don’t believe it myself.  I want to be further in my career.  I am in a rut.  I start to freeze up when I write.  My mind becomes stagnant.  I can’t have that.  I fond myself putting things off or just ignoring them when before I would jump at the opportunity to do something like that.

I find my class song from eighth grade going through my head this morning unbidden, so it must mean something from inside right?  Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” was our class song.  I didn’t like it then but I understand it better now.  (It still isn’t one of my favorite songs but right now I’m looking more at the meaning behind the words.)  It is a hard thing to do.  But I think my problem is trusting myself.  Trusting myself to know what to do and to be able to do it.  Trusting myself to follow through and not freeze up.

I have various things I do to try to encourage myself.  It might be lighting incense that I like (certain scents help me calm down and focus), holding on to a favorite stone(s) or even special jewelry that I have gotten over the years.

img_5222

(Good grief that photo is HUGE!)  Anyway I try to do things for myself to get me out of my own head for a while.  Which is another reason I read.  And why I have animals.  Having animals means I have to be able to take care of them even if I’m not feeling good.  It’s not easy some days.  I’ve been binge watching “RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Amazon but that hasn’t helped.  I think a bit of time outside needs to happen today.  Maybe throw a leg over the bike?  (If nothing else I have to move Rogue back to the front yard from under the bike pad.  Supposedly someone is showing up tomorrow.)

I guess I should get to it.  I need to wrap up the reviews and I need to keep going with my interview (my author sent her response and I was right, she is amazingly nice).  Cheers!

 

 

Dogs, Emotions, Life, Writing

Working Through Anxiety

1972italy

The crunch was on this morning but I got the article written and out earlier than I thought I would.  Either I am getting better or I forgot something.  lol  I hope today goes better.  It’s not that anything bad happened yesterday but I had to deal with both anxiety and depression.  They can be difficult one on one but when you put them together it can be overwhelming.  It looks as though I will be busy right out of the gate this morning at work so I need to leave a few minutes early to go to work.  I can feel anxiety trying to creep in.

I wonder if I need to move Rogue off the bike pad or not.  They were supposed to be here yesterday to work on the garage but (surprise) no one was.  My bike is the only things still in the garage.  I don’t want to deal with starting and moving the bike before work so I guess I will leave him and hope if they show they can work around him and not wake Chris up to move him.  And this too will add to my anxiety.  I keep hearing vehicles going by so I am watching to see if anyone shows up.  Usually between 7:30 and 7:45am so it would be before I left for work.

My anxiety is making my typing skills crappy so that in turn is making me angry and thus adds to things this morning.  I am tempted to make another cup of coffee.  It is very chilly this morning (50F or 10C).  But our high is 82F (27C) so it should warm pretty quickly once the sun is completely up.

It turns out that Essie was stung by something yesterday morning when she went out to go to the bathroom.  I called the vet and it turned out the vet tech’s dogs had done the same thing over the weekend.  Fortunately we had Benadryl so Essie got that and that seemed to fix her right up once it got working.  She was sleepy for a bit but a few hours later she was fussing to play and the swelling in her leg was way down.  And no vet visit!  YAY!

I see by the clock I need to wrap this up.  I hope everyone has a great day!

 

 

Creativity, Dogs, Emotions, Gardening, Life, Motorcycles, Nature, Thinking, Writing

A Little Bit of Everything

1972italy

I slept in.  I stayed up a bit to write and read.  I’m trying to get myself back to being motivated to write.  I have things that need to be done and I just stare at the blank page.  I am frustrated with myself.  That being said I have made progress and I will continue that progress today.  I can do it.  Even if it’s just a little bit.  I have a meeting to go to tonight as well for the paper.  I’m thinking I may ride the bike.  Assuming it isn’t raining.  It has been off and on this morning so I guess we’ll see how that goes.

Have you ever tries to get organized and just managed to disorganize yourself even further?  I think I have managed to do that.  My work bag is too heavy so I dumped it out and am trying a much smaller bag.  But this doesn’t fit everything I need.  But I still want to use this bag.  So what do I do for the rest of the stuff I need?  And now that I’ve pulled everything out what did I do with… You get the idea.  So I need to go through my multitude of bags and find something that works.

I wish that they would get finished with the garage so that we can put everything that is meant to be in the garage in there.  It would clear out so much from inside the house!  We have tools, shelving units (inside and outside), camping gear, riding gear (I got us a really cool set up that we can hang all our gear on and we can also wheel it around where we need to… this is currently wedged in the shed with the Pearl) and a bunch of other stuff.

Stella and Moose are currently asleep on the couch.  Poor Essie is asleep behind me on the loveseat.   Her tummy has been gurgling something fierce and she has done something to her back left paw.  She has been licking like crazy and limping when she walks.  I checked it and I can’t find anything.  So I’m not sure what it is.  I should call the vet and see if I can get her in.  I feel so bad for her.

 

I found a surprise in my front garden last night as I was taking some pics of Rogue.  My day lilies up there are now yellow.  With ruffles.  I am not sure how this happened as they are bulb plants and not seed but they are beautiful!

 

I happened to glance over at Rogue parked on the new bike pad and I thought he looked pretty damn good.  So I decided to take a few shots.

 

I apologize for the rambling of this post.  My mind has been a bit all over of late.  I hope everyone enjoys the pics and has a great day!  Thanks for reading!  Cheers!