Aging, dreams, Emotions, Life, retail, Thinking

Examining the Past

Tis a cool and wet morning but that is ok.  The leaves in the trees and all the plants in the yards are coming along nicely.  We have an anniversary party to go to this evening.  I think we will both be well enough to go.  The kids let me sleep in til after 8am for which I am very grateful as I stayed up too late watching Murder She Wrote.

Last night in my journal I was writing about how much faster time seems to be going by.  I’m not sure why this has hit over the past year or so.  Maybe because I am no longer with Younker’s and running around every day like an idiot trying to get everything done by yesterday.  There is time to observe and live.  Part of me feels that the 15 years I gave them were wasted just because I literally gave them most of my time.  I know they got all of my energy and most of my soul.  I spent too much there.  The cost was too high.  Yes I did get a lot out of there but it was nothing in comparison to what I gave.

Now that I am back with the living it seems as though time has passed me by.  I seem to be years behind everyone else.  Time and life have moved on without me.  So I scramble to catch up.  I try to do too much too fast.  Like a child gulping down her meal to get back outside and play with her friends in case she misses something.  I don’t think that it’s too late to rejoin life and the world.  I just need to stop trying to cram it all in.

I think that is the main reason I won’t willingly work retail again.  I gave up too much.  And for what?  A paycheck.  Supposed security.  I need more than that.  I get that they are there to make money.  But they won’t do it at the cost of my life and well being.  Not again.


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