I almost did not do this at all this morning. I am not in a good head space. I don’t want to share my anger and unhappiness. But I know if I don’t write this I will feel even worse. The kids are all up and in my face for attention. I appreciate their love but it is just making things worse. I just want to be left alone.
The harder I try to do the right thing the more it seems to blow up in my face. I am going to have to take the kids off their medicine indefinitely. I just can’t afford the medicine. And I feel like such a shitty parent. I think that is what has started everything. I can’t properly take care of them and I am mad at myself. I hate that bills need to come before my family.
There seems to be no solution. Atleast not a good one. I don’t want to get a third job. The kids are doing well with the schedule I have. But what choice do I have? I could sell my motorcycles and gear. That would be some money. Since it is beginning of riding season I would get good money for them.
I can’t write anymore. Maybe I’ll be back tomorrow. I may close this down.