Month: April 2019

Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Thinking, Writing

Figuring Out What to Do Next

1972italy

Yesterday was blessedly slow.  I had one pick up and he was there when I arrived.  I can’t tell you how much I needed and appreciate the down time I had!  The only thing I really did when I got home was wash the bedding for us.  Other than that…

I still haven’t written my letters.  I have one more to add to my query list.  This one can be sent as an email though.  I’m not sure if I will be interviewing or reviewing books.  I may throw my hat in the ring for both.  It sounds as though I will be able to share them on here as well so be warned!  lol

I am disappointed about my other book reviews.  I busted tail to get them done in time and they will sit for a year before they get published.  I had hoped that they would come out with the Spring issue.  But atleast they will be out there.  I just need to keep plugging along and keep writing.  I feel bad about not doing anything with my other writing site.  I just get on there and I can’t find anything to write.  And I can’t write then go back to it.  I have to write it all now and put it out there.  Here I can save and come back to it later.  I can’t do that with the other site.  All or nothing.  So they have been getting nothing.

Yesterday was a week since Boo has been gone.  Time is moving way too fast for me.  A week.  I was looking for him when I got home from work yesterday.  I still have problems feeding just three dogs.  Especially when I share.  It was easy to tear some thing in half twice.  Now it’s thirds.  I keep catching myself before I call Moose Boo as well.  Essie is doing better but she still misses Dante.  I think we all do.  Went through the whole thing in my head last night in bed.

I have to remember to get time off the end of May for Mom’s other eye surgery.  The surgery itself isn’t the problem as that happens on my day off.  It’s the follow up appointment the next day.  They don’t give her any time until that week.  If it isn’t until the afternoon then I might not have to take the day off.  But it is a moot point because they won’t tell her anything.  Irritating.  I just sent in my time off request before I forget again.

I feel the need to watch some Supernatural.  Annoyingly that means I have to use Netflix to do it.  Not only did they wipe out both of our personal lists but they gave us “family” and it has things on our list that neither of us would ever watch.  These were not suggestions but things someone put on our list.  And the things that we had on our personal lists that we were watching?  Yeah… if they made it on to the “family” list we lost where we were in the series.  So I lost where I was in Supernatural.  I am NOT a fan of Netflix anymore.  Before I would talk them up to anyone who would listen.  Not anymore.  This is the second time they have “lost” mu personal list.  We have been with Netflix since they started.  When you had the choice of requesting a DVD or streaming.

This is getting a bit long so I will share puppy pictures and get writing my queries.  Thanks for reading!  Cheers!

 

Dogs, family, Life, Thinking

Please Get Me Through This Day lol

1972italy

Have you ever enough to make yourself sore the next day and just dead exhausted?  That is what I did yesterday.  Played with the dogs, talked with both my parents, did some house work and spent quality time with the husband.  I am wiped out right now.  I went to bed early but was wide awake around 1:30am and never really got back to sleep.  More of a doze here and there.

This morning is overcast like it wants to rain.  My back feels like I did too much yesterday.  Normally it will just be achy and work itself out.  It actually is borderline hurting.  I hope this day goes quickly and well at work.  I need to call the paper to make sure there isn’t anything I’m covering this week.  I don’t think there is but you never know.

Everyone was cuddled up to me last night.  I think that was the only way I got any sleep.  Chris was happy when we finally left the bed.  Moose was laying across the bed with his head resting on me instead of up and down like he normally sleeps.  And for whatever reason Moose has to roll around on the bed before he gets up.  What is that all about?  Anyway once I got the kids up he actually had room to sleep.  On this dark day he should get enough sleep.  The kids will probably snooze longer.

I think a nice hot shower when I get home tonight will really hit the spot.  Then I can curl up and read.  Or maybe not.  The kids might have other plans.  I did take them for a ride yesterday.  I even coaxed Essie to go with.  I put the other two in the car and I took Essie out on a leash.  She is so good on a leash!  (That spelling really doesn’t look right for some reason.) It was the first ride since we lost Dante.  Everyone seemed to have fun.

I see by the clock I’d better get going.  I hope everyone has a great day!  Cheers!

Dogs, family, Life, Thinking, Writing

A Lazy Sunday Morning

1972italy

I actually slept in this morning!  Almost til 8:30am!   All three Pittys are behind me on the love seat asleep.  They have been so good all weekend.  We played a lot.  The sun is out bright and shining.  I know it’s still chilly out because there is frost on my car still.  I don’t think it’s supposed to even hit 50F today.  But if the sun is out we can sit inside in the sunshine.  Stella already did that after breakfast.  The sun was coming in one of the kitchen windows and she curled up and we to sleep in the sunshine.

I didn’t do much yesterday.  I got laundry mostly done (one more load to dry and then put it all away).  I need to switch out dishes in the dishwasher today as well as water the plants.

Our eldest niece got married yesterday.  She got engaged when we went to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving.  I expect she was a beyond beautiful bride and I hope they have a wonderful life together.  I remember when we first met.  She thought I was so cool because I was riding my father-in-law’s horse around the yard as they left.  She even made her dad stop the car so she could watch for a few minutes.  Then she waved like crazy as they left.  So much time has passed for all of us!

I had my plan of what I would blog about last night as I fell asleep but when I awoke there was not even a memory of it.  Coffee in hand I guess I will just wing it.

I did not use my phone at all yesterday.  I can’t tell you how awesome that was!  I wasn’t on Facebook nor did I check emails.  Well I did but on my laptop.  I forgot I had to send in my invoice to the paper for this month.  Small confession… I don’t have any word processing program to use on my laptop so when I write I write it in an email to send.  So when I send in my word counts I actually do count it by hand then add it all up.  I need to remedy that.  I want to get WordPerfect again.  It is what I had years ago and it does convert files into Word format.  Word and I never really got along but I always have loved working with WordPerfect.  It is on my writing list of things to get.

Nuts.  I just realized that I did not write that letter to send out yet.  I should’ve yesterday as I had the laptop plugged into the printer.  Oh well.  I can still do it today.  I am also trying not to go to the store and get the current issue of Rue Morgue.  I may load up the kids and say screw it.  The kids need to get out for a bit.  Although the other day it tickled me to no end to watch all three kids get the zoomies for a good 15 minutes or so and zip around the yard.  (For those who don’t know what zoomies are it’s when a dog just goes tearing around wherever they are at full speed for no apparent reason.  I suppose some of us do this in cars and on motorcycles too…. I hadn’t thought of that.)

Everyone has been very supportive since the loss of Dante.  I am very grateful.  I still call Moose Boo once in a while.  He just stands there and looks at me.  I’m not sure if it’s a hurt look because I called him by his brother’s name or because I used the wrong name.  It doesn’t help that both boys were dark in color.  Dante was solid black while Moose is a dark chocolate brown.

Ok.  We have just spent the last few minutes trying to decide if we are going in or out.  Everyone went out but wanted right back in.  As I suspected Stella just wants some sun to lay in.  I took her into the kitchen and pointed out that there was some sun in there to lay in.  She is currently trying to scout out a spot.  And she’s back.  Apparently there is something wrong that only I can fix.  She is standing her beside me, now laying.  She’s usually pretty good at letting me be while I write.  So I guess I’d better see what is wrong.  Cheers!

 

Little Miss being needy
Dante wearing his collar again
My babies
Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Thinking

Bringing the Unexpected Home

1972italy

I shouldn’t be crabby but I am.  I don’t get much sleep anymore.  Neither of us do but I’m feeling whiny about myself.  Mornings are my ME time.  I take care of the kids and get them settled in and the hubby gets (hopefully) quiet sleep for a few hours while I do my writing and read.  Everyone is asleep and there are no demands other than those I put on myself.  I guess Chris was so exhausted he crashed around 12:30am last night.  He got up a few minutes after me.  Actually I think I had the kids fed and we were doing the second round of going out to go potty.  I was not happy to see him getting up.  And I feel bad.  I should be happy to be able to spend more time with him and not have to keep the kids quiet.  Instead all I thought about is “there goes my ME time.”

Part of that I think is due to the fact that I got Dante’s ashes yesterday after work.  It hit all of us all over again.  Moose was my constant companion and Essie went into on of her funks.  She even let Stella sleep on her.  I wasn’t expecting to get Boo’s ashes back until next week.  I thought I had time to prepare.  Instead I get a call at work (which was running later due to a transport that apparently did not know or did not care that I was done at 2pm.  I got the call a few minutes after 2pm.  I gave the guys until 2:30pm to figure out what they wanted to do.  When things were still up in the air I bluntly told them I had to go pick up my dog’s ashes that died on Monday and I was supposed to be gone by 2pm so we needed to get this figured out now.  That seemed to light the fire.  I left a few minutes later.

I had planned on going home to get the kids to take with when I went into town (I had to go to the bank and then get kibble) but when I called Chris to tell him that I was going to get Boo’s ashes we decided that I’d better go on my own.  I didn’t want the kids freaking out when we pulled into the vet’s wondering who was next.  It’s always very touch and go with my kids after a death.  Even handled correctly it doesn’t always work.  Again witness my kids.  Moose gets so scared that I have to medicate him to take him to the vet.  I don’t know what he will be like after this.  I guess Stella went off the deep end when I took Dante in that morning.  So I don’t know what future visits will be like.

Everyone seems a bit better today.  When I got home and pulled out the tin with Dante’s ashes I let everyone sniff them and I told the m what/who it was.  While I was getting things out of the bag they gave me Essie got on the table!  She NEVER does that!  Not even front paws.  She got completely up on the table to watch me.

They gave me some fur to put in a locket.  Part of me wants to but then I think I never did for any of the others.  I do have fur from everyone (and seriously does all that fur they shed ever really go away?  I think not) and I have baby teeth from everyone that we had as a baby.  But I never got a locket.  I don’t know.  I’m tossing the idea around.  I can’t bury him.  Not yet.  I’m using the excuse that it is cold (nevermind that he liked that because of his thick fur) and that it might snow (I know right?!  It is supposed to be Spring here).  Maybe when it is warmer and the sun is out and I feel better about letting him go.

A good friend stopped by to check on me with his Pitty.  I was grateful.  He didn’t try to cheer me or anything.  He just came by to make sure I was ok and talk.  I wish the sun was out.  I need to be outside right now.  I think it is in the 30s (F) though.  Atleast I’m not at work.  But still.  I get tired of looking for the good sometimes.  Sometimes I just want to be sad.  Then I feel guilty for being self indulgent because I am the one who has the stiff upper lip and keeps everyone going.

I guess I should stop here.   I need to not think for a while.  I hope everyone has a great day….

 

This is how I knew Essie was depressed again
The cushion just exploded Mom! But i’m safe
Creativity, Dogs, Gardening, Life

A Bit of Gardening on the Side

1972italy

I’m feeling rather out of it this morning.  I did a ton of stuff yesterday since the rain did not show up until after dark I spent pretty much all my time outside.  Essie spent most of her time out with me while the two youngest were in and out because they got too hot.  I got three trees trimmed up about 6 feet or so.  They are over one of my raised garden beds and I wanted the shade but not to hit my head every time I went to garden.  It was also a big mess there anyway.  I worked on the raised bed (there are three) as well.  I also managed to get down most of the remaining chicken wire fence.  I only have another couple of feet to go.  Then all the old fence that was in the new fence will be gone.

I’m scraped up and probably a few bruises and a bit of sun despite precautions but I am pleased with the results.  I put as much as I could on the burn pile.  The rest I tossed over the fence.  At one point I will try to pile it all in one spot but for now it’s kind of all over.  When we do the neighborhood clean up I need to make sure the used chicken wire fencing goes.

This morning is chilly, wet and overcast.  I just wanna go back to sleep.  I’ve not checked the schedule for today for work yet.  I hope no one is there right away.  If they sent the one driver he will be.  I hate being rushed right out of the gate.  I have my routine.

I just gotta get through today.  I also need to remember to go to the bank in town to deposit money so I can pay my bills after work.  I’m worried that I will be so focused on coming home that I will forget to do it.  I may try to leave from work instead of come home and get the kids.  I hate to do it to them (I want them to enjoy going for rides not think that they are going to the vet and not coming home).  But I may have to.  I’ll take the money with and decide later.

I need to get gone for work.  Have a great day!

 

Books, Learning, Life, Thinking, Writing

Introspection by Looking Out

1972italy

I almost downloaded the direct link to this to put on my desk top.  Almost.  If I did it would make things faster and I wouldn’t need to get online and go to my favorites to do this.  But if I did that then it would break my routine.  While the computer boots up and logs in is when I let the kids out to go potty.  While I wait for them I can peruse the day’s news and then read some of your blogs.  Once they call come in I read a few more blogs and then write mine.  If I change that it would not be for the better.  I would rush both the kids and myself for starters.  And once I started that then I would start to get angry because I was “wasting time.”  That is not how I want or need to start my day.

I have set aside my Kings novel and picked up Voodoo in Haiti by Alfred Metraux and Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes Ph.D.  I have been watching a series on Amazon Prime called “I Wouldn’t Go There” with Robert Joe.  He’s not looking to find ghosts but he always starts his investigations from a ghost story that someone tells him.  What happens is he goes deeper into the story and uncovers fascinating history (and tragedy) and finds how the story began.  In many instances he has found history that has been “buried” and left out of even local tellings.

The series is primarily focused on the numerous Asian cultures in the East (Robert Joe himself is Korean).  He explores not only history but cultural beliefs and stories.  I love all the information that he uncovers by talking to survivors of the wars that he researches.  It’s not all paper and libraries.  He goes to monuments and ground zero for the ghost encounters.  But he talks to the survivors, not just soldiers but those who lived through some of the atrocities that happened.  You can see the pride, gratitude and relief on many of their faces as they are interviewed.  Someone from the younger generation cares what happened to them.  Someone wants to hear their truth.  To me that has always been important.  I have always enjoy nothing better than asking my old friends and family members (even strangers) about their past.  I love hearing their stories.  I don’t think those stories should be forgotten.

That is what got me reading the other two books.  I have many books on the history of Voodoo because I have always loved the history behind the religion as well as the strength of the practitioners.   They never waver in their belief no matter what.  They have no need to recruit believers (much like us Wiccans) because if you want to learn and decide to stay that is fine.  If you take a look see and it’s not for you that’s fine too.  Estes book I have fond memories with.  I remember when and how I got it.  It has always been a great source of strength for me.  The book is much battered from many readings and many miles of travel.  I feel it’s time to go back through and if not read the whole think read what stories pull me.

So that is my goal today.  That and get the letter written and sent in the mail that I told you about yesterday.  The kids are asleep.  The coffee needs refilling.  I will do a Mahjong puzzle then I think I will hunker down with one of the books, pen and paper and see what happens.  Have a great day!

Creativity, Dogs, Gardening, Life, Nature, Photography, Thinking, Writing

Evening Musings

1972italy

I guess this will be a two post day.  I’m not sure why.  I just feel like writing.  Partly because of the weather.  The kids and I have been outside since I got home.  The house is mostly open to get the Spring breeze and push out the gloom.

It is nice to hear the birds singing and talking again.  And of course the peepers at night.  Nothing says Summer like hearing peepers after dark.  The grass in the backyard is green.  Well the grass that Stella hasn’t torn up chasing after a ball.  Our poor front yard on the other hand is flat and all but lifeless.  It wasn’t much to begin with but since everyone has been parking up front due to construction of the garage it has been doomed.  I may see if there is something I can do once the garage is completed.  Until then there is no point.

I do believe I have tired the kids out.  Everyone has been in my business off and on all day.  They will snooze right beside me but every little bit everyone comes for attention.  It takes them a while settle back in.  I’m just glad everyone is busy.  For a while they were very mopey which is more than understandable.  The sun and warmth are helping all of us.

I found a magazine to query about becoming a reviewer but there is no way to contact them other than snail mail.  So I guess that is what I will do.  I’ll even enclose a SASE for a response.  Worst they can say is no and I’ll be out two stamps.  I will work on that tomorrow.  I have my letter written so I’ll just have to put it in the computer and print up some of my clips to send with.

I am looking forward to going no where tomorrow.  I have no real plans.  I am worried about nothing.  It should hopefully be a day of relaxing for me.  60s and wet tomorrow.  At the very least cloudy.  If that is the case the temps will be much like today without the sunshine.  We may spend sometime outside then.  Rain won’t be until tomorrow afternoon so that gives us plenty of time.

I will leave you with some photos of the rapidly going greenery in our yard (backyard as the front still needs to be cleaned out).  Cheers!

 

Some buds on my lilac bushes
The Boy’s Tree is starting to get leaves
These will all tiger lilies once they bloom
The hostas are coming in
The daffidills bloomed the same day I put Dante to sleep
Dogs, Emotions, Life, Writing

Going to Be Busy

1972italy

I apologize for not being able to read any blogs this morning.  I will barely squeak this in.  I had a meeting I covered last night and I won’t have any time at work today to do it.  My schedule looks very full for work so I needed to get up early to get it done before that.

I left some of my plants out because it was supposed to be in the 40s last night but I woke up to frost.  I hope they will be ok.  Yesterday was chilly and overcast.  It fit everyone’s mood here.

I will have to call to make sure that my punch out id put in.  I forgot to punch out Monday because I was focused on Dante and getting to him.  It looks like the sun is coming out so that will help.   Hopefully I can focus better.  I find myself doing the wrong thing of just staring off into space.  Or even forgetting to do a simple task that is routine.

I really don’t want to go to work.  I still need time to process this whole situation.  But I can’t afford to stay home.  I am worried that my taking time off for scuba diving is going to hurt me in the long run.  I hope not but I honestly don’t know.    Sorry, my mind is everywhere but in one spot.  And looking at the clock I should get moving.  I hope everyone has a great day.

Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Thinking

Our First Day Without Boo

1972italy

Today is our first day without Dante.  Moose is laying in all the spots Dante would lay in over the course of the morning.  He even laid down to eat his breakfast like Dante did.  Essie is moody.  She wants to sleep a lot with bursts of manic energy here and there.  Stella isn’t quite sure what is going on.  She knows Dante isn’t here and that everyone is sad, including herself.  This is the first time she’s lost someone.  Essie is closer because she’s been with Dante since she came here as an 8 week old puppy.  He is the last of the Old Guard (we had four dogs when we first got the house after Dante arrived).  Moose was the one who would nudge Dante to get him to play and get him to run around.  Kinda like a grandson trying to keep his grandpa active.

Dante’s last moments were his first moments on a beach.  Our vet is right on the water.  No it’s not all posh and expensive as it sounds.  They are actually one of the cheapest vets up here who give better quality care than a lot of the over priced places.  Anyway…  I’d forgotten that he had never been to the beach.  It was funny watching him with the waves.  He wasn’t at all sure about them.  They would come in and he would step back.  It was too cute.  But because they were nice enough to let us use the beach and to put him down put there I opted for cremation.  I was just going to bring the body back and bury it here because I didn’t feel right leaving him there because the place scared him.  But since his last moments were outside and not in a room I decided to go ahead and have it done.

I took one of the sleepy pills last night to try to get some solid nights sleep but Mother Nature had other plans.  I was just rolling headlong into one of those deep deep sleeps (oh how I miss them) when I feel Essie crawl between my legs and start shivering.  Then Stella is sitting bolt upright next to me staring straight out the bedroom door like Jason is there to kill us all.  I sit up to see what is wrong and sly Moose (suddenly cured of his storm fear) stretches out behind me and promptly goes back to sleep.  A huge flash of lightening (it was like a massive strobe coming in the kitchen window) and the whump and rumble of thunder not long after has Essie shaking and even Stella started to quiver.  I finally turned on the light to sooth the girls (thankfully not power flashes of there would’ve been no sleep at all) and we settled back in for about half an hour before the next storm rolled in.  That on was blessedly short.  Even so Stella was upset enough that she started panting.  She’s never done that before.  We kept hearing Dante’s walk through the house last night too.  I told him he was going to miss the thunderstorms that night.  It was like he was pacing from room to room.  Not often.  He had a certain way of walking because of his back and hips.  Knees too for that matter.  But you’d hear his special thump shuffle in different rooms.

I wonder if burning the body will send his spirit on so he can’t visit anymore so he was trying to get it in while he could.  Max visits once in a while but he was buried.  I think all the kids I have visit on occasion have been buried instead of cremated.  I know to a lot of people I sound like I have gone off my rocker.  That’s ok.   These are my beliefs not yours and they aren’t hurting anyone so please don’t try to change my mind.

I have to remember that meeting tonight.  I am worried that with everything going on I will forget.   I have forgotten a few things, like punching out from work yesterday.  I was in such a hurry to get to Dante I completely forgot.  I realized after I’d gotten home.  I sent an email so I hope someone can fix it for me.

Well I have blathered on long enough.  Thanks for reading.  Cheers

Aging, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life

Saying Goodbye

1972italy

I really don’t want to be writing this.  Nor do I want to go to work.  I will drop off Dante and tell them not to do the surgery.  His leg is too bad,  I know what it is and at 15 years old he shouldn’t have to go through an amputation.  I will ask them to make him comfortable until I get back around 2:30pm and I will say goodbye.

He’s been right by my side pretty much all weekend.  His breathing has been labored all week.  He sounds like he’s in a deep sleep dreaming but when I look he is awake and watching me.

I hope I can get him into the backseat.  I also hope work understands I will be a few minutes late.  I think they will be I am looking for the worst.  I also have a ton of stuff to do at work since my last day there was Wednesday.  Not really looking forward to it.  I already have three emails that I have to answer.  No idea how many vehicles will be going out today.  Did I mention I’m not looking forward to any of this?

I was having a good hard sleep until Moose woke me around 2:30am.  No idea why.  But he purposely woke me up.  Maybe I was making a nose dreaming?  I don’t know.  I’ve pretty much been awake ever since.

Our neighbors across the street have been out of town to be with her Mom as she passes.  This will be a very sad end of the street this week.  Essie is already showing signs of depression.  She knows what is going on and why.  Moose knows something is up but he’s not sure what.  Only that I am upset.  Stella knows something is wrong too but she doesn’t know what to do to help.  She tried cuddling with Essie and Essie just gave her a snarl.  That is not normal for her.  So I am glad I have tomorrow off although I do have a meeting I am covering tomorrow night.  I hope I can make it through.  We’ll see.  I will probably need to get out of the house for a bit anyway.

I did find the first photos we ever took of Dante.  He had just shown up in the yard and I took pictures to put on a flyer to see if anyone was missing him.  He was probably half the size he is now if not smaller.

Dante has come to cuddle so it is time to stop writing.