Trying to keep looking ahead and not looking behind so much. But looking ahead brings on anxiety. Instead of the excitement of not knowing and adventure I see change and potential disaster. And I wasn’t like that in my past. I was always excited for change and something new. Now something new is something I can mess up or break. A sad change.
I need to buckle down and get well because I can’t do an interview being sick. “Please hire me so I can get a bunch of your people to call in as soon as I start!” Nor do I want to call in sick right out of the gate. So I feel like a between a rock and a hard place. I have to find a job but I’m sick so no one is going to really want me until I’m well again. The few stay at home jobs I have looked at have you doing all kinds of stuff to even qualify to be considered it’s ridiculous.
We are supposed to get hit Monday with another 3-9 inches of snow. I can use that as an excuse. But I need to move forward. I wish the roads were clear so I could take the bike out to clear my head. My brain is stymied. All I have is emptiness inside. Which would be great if I was meditating but when trying to write it creates a problem. Part of it is the medicine.
I’m not sure what to do about Stella. The other day she threw up one of my shirts. The whole thing. Now that means she somehow got into a 3 foot tall hamper with a lid. We have two hampers and neither has moved. I think she has eaten something else as well because I haven’t seen her have a bowel movement in a few days. I am giving her pumpkin to help things along but I can’t afford a vet visit right now let alone a surgery. I will give things a few days and then call the vet. She has been very good about not eating fabric the past few months. Suddenly both she and Moose start (Moose hasn’t done that before she arrived). I feel like a bad Mom.
I have been trying to look forward to riding season as well. Breaks my heart to see the bikes under all that snow (especially since they were supposed to be tucked into a garage this winter). It just feels like this snow will never end. I have a lot of goals for the upcoming season. I have been going through books and magazines as well a articles and videos thoughtfully provided by family and friends. Riding season needs to get here before I forget all I have learned!
I need more coffee and I am getting medicine head. So before I say something stupid or go off on some weird tangent I will sign off. Have a great day and thanks for reading!