Emotions, Guitar, Learning, Life, retail, Thinking, Writing

Making My Inner Life a Better Place

   I want to write.  But what to write?  I thought seriously about doing a biography but that seems to be out of reach.  There is almost too much information about my subject… and I have access to very little.  Then I thought about doing a book on depression using two of my favorite celebrities as subjects.  But that might hit a bit close to home.  And again the subject matter is daunting.

   I can’t seem to write much fiction anymore.  My imagination just won’t work for me on paper.  I don’t know why.  I will have flashes but blip! and it disappears.  I miss fiction.  I am still passionate about reading it but I can’t seem to write it.  That was one thing that spurred me to learn guitar (again).  I hoped that another creative process would help loosen the choke hold on my fiction writing from whatever inner demon had it captive.  I just don’t know.

  Speaking of guitar I did practice yesterday morning for a few hours.  Much to the dogs chagrin.   They all wanted me to do anything but that.  I would get frustrated with them and my lack of prowess with the guitar.  But I made myself stick with it and I was actually able to see progress after I was done.  So I’m glad I pushed my way through.  I have just one more week of class then I’m on my own.  I hope that I will have enough to start learning songs but I think I will have to try some of the apps I have for tuning and such to learn a bit more.

   I am in comfort mode due to the weather.  I don’t know whereas warmer weather would get me any further.  I would just prefer to putter around the house and the yard then.  Maybe I will make an effort in another way for my writing.  I have all these wonderful ideas to get myself writing again but never follow through.  So I guess it is time to follow through.  I need to atleast try.  I will start small and go from there.  Maybe I can work up to writing a book.

It’s funny how stepping away from all the stress of my old job has let go.  Sadly it has still done lasting damage that I am still working through.  But I feel I am a better person inside and out.  I am atleast trying to live my life on my own terms instead of scrambling for corporate needs at the cost of my own life.  I gave up so much inside and out.  It’s the inside damage that I am still struggling with.  Thus my writing and learning to play guitar.  I’m trying to fix what got broken.

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