I want to write. But what to write? I thought seriously about doing a biography but that seems to be out of reach. There is almost too much information about my subject… and I have access to very little. Then I thought about doing a book on depression using two of my favorite celebrities as subjects. But that might hit a bit close to home. And again the subject matter is daunting.
I can’t seem to write much fiction anymore. My imagination just won’t work for me on paper. I don’t know why. I will have flashes but blip! and it disappears. I miss fiction. I am still passionate about reading it but I can’t seem to write it. That was one thing that spurred me to learn guitar (again). I hoped that another creative process would help loosen the choke hold on my fiction writing from whatever inner demon had it captive. I just don’t know.
Speaking of guitar I did practice yesterday morning for a few hours. Much to the dogs chagrin. They all wanted me to do anything but that. I would get frustrated with them and my lack of prowess with the guitar. But I made myself stick with it and I was actually able to see progress after I was done. So I’m glad I pushed my way through. I have just one more week of class then I’m on my own. I hope that I will have enough to start learning songs but I think I will have to try some of the apps I have for tuning and such to learn a bit more.
I am in comfort mode due to the weather. I don’t know whereas warmer weather would get me any further. I would just prefer to putter around the house and the yard then. Maybe I will make an effort in another way for my writing. I have all these wonderful ideas to get myself writing again but never follow through. So I guess it is time to follow through. I need to atleast try. I will start small and go from there. Maybe I can work up to writing a book.
It’s funny how stepping away from all the stress of my old job has let go. Sadly it has still done lasting damage that I am still working through. But I feel I am a better person inside and out. I am atleast trying to live my life on my own terms instead of scrambling for corporate needs at the cost of my own life. I gave up so much inside and out. It’s the inside damage that I am still struggling with. Thus my writing and learning to play guitar. I’m trying to fix what got broken.