Emotions, Life, Writing

Alice Is Lost

Here we are again.  There is consistent work being done on the garage this week.  We may actually have something before Christmas!  My seemingly constant tickle in my throat kept me from getting a lot of sleep.  I hope Chris wasn’t kept up too much with it.  I offered to go sleep in the living room but he said no.  And now that I am awake the tickle has been occurring at the most inopportune times and there is no liquid or lozenge that can take care of it.

So many books on writing sitting here.  Most of them read partly through and set aside as I start another one.  Some fiction around me but not much.  I have joined all these reviewing places but haven’t done anything because the medication has been muddling my brain.  Being sick is not fun.  Case in point… I had a place I was going to with those lines but now it is gone.  I am trying to recreate the thought process but no joy.  Nuts.

The day is dark and dreary.  Cold too but I don’t feel it much because my body temp is out of whack.  The days seem to pass by so quickly anymore.  Is it the limited daylight?  Getting older?  I know it’s not being busy all the time.  That will happen during the summer but not the winter.  Not as much.

I get up, feed the kids, take everyone out to go potty, pull out my laptop to the living room, write for a few hours, maybe read for a bit til Chris gets up.  Once he is up and then goes to work at 3pm I feel like the whole day has just gotten away from me.  It doesn’t matter what I have accomplished before he left for work.  The day has just blown by and I have nothing to show for it.

It feels like the last few years have been like that.  They have blown by and I have nothing to show for it.  Things have happened to me but I haven’t made anything happen to me.  I haven’t lived.  It’s been so long that I have forgotten how.  I have built up walls and other barriers and each year the circle has gotten smaller and smaller.  Now I occupy this tiny space that I am deathly afraid to leave.

Stepping back I feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland.  I keep getting smaller and smaller.  I can still talk a good game but performance back up is limited.


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