family, Friends, Holiday, Life, Thinking, Writing

Thanks For What Was and Looking Forward to What Will Be (or Happy New Year!)

It is the last day of 2018.  Wow.  So much change has happened this year!  Good and bad.  But even some of the bad was needed.  A good example is my job loss.  My husband and I have learned things about one another and ourselves.  We were able to go see his family for Thanksgiving (something we’d never done in our almost 30 years together because of my work mostly).  The house actually feels like a home instead of a war zone because I can actually take care of it and us.  I stepped up with my writing and have been doing this for 4 months.  I have new writing goals (I am thinking of attempting to write a biography…) and I am learning guitar (something I have wanted to do for many years).

I have been blessed to have the support of friends and family as well as that of strangers.  So I want to say thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read and follow this blog.  It means a lot.

I hope that all the changes we have in 2019 guide us down a better path… even if it is a different path than the ones we had chosen.  Happy New Year and all the best in 2019!

 

Dogs, Emotions, Life, Thinking, Writing

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Me

My last Sunday to write this blog for 2018.  How fast things have moved since I lost my job.  Time before that seemed to go very slow most of the time.  All the pups are curled up in a different spot sleeping.  The three Pittys have been covered up.  It’s early.  Maybe too early but it doesn’t feel wrong.

I may be bringing in the new yea with a new writing project.  I am afraid to share details because when I do I usually drop the ball and don’t follow through.  I will say that it is a biography.  A lot of research will need to be done but it will be enjoyable because I care about my subject.  It is a big leap for me and I have no place to publish but I figure I will worry about that when I get close to completion.

I am watching the new day dawn as I write this.  The clouds go from a dark blue grey to a soft purple, then a creamy off white, to a gentle peach and finally a fluffy pink.  I am grateful to have this time, this moment.  I hear from almost everyone how bad this past year has been.  Seldom do you hear about the good anymore.  Instead of going on about how hard it was losing my job of 15 years I just tell people that it was a year of change.  Things changed, both good and bad, but the things that changed needed to.  My jib was not the best for me mentally nor physically but I was a big fish in a small pond and comfortable.  This was the only way I was going to move out of my comfort zone.

I am both excited and scared at what the future may be.  But I’ll never know unless I live it.  I have very little regrets in my life.  I don’t need to start now.

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7am in Northern Michigan
Dogs, family, Life, Writing

A Groggy White Morning

I’m out of it this morning.  I had a very emotional call with my Dad and then I was worried about family at home.  I couldn’t sleep so I took a sleepy pill.  I was fine on the couch.  (I went there because I wasn’t going to fight for room on the bed.  I was too exhausted.)  But when I was awakened and taken to bed. I could not get comfortable for hours.  And I do mean hours.  I tossed and turned (which is no mean feat when surrounded by dogs) til the wee hours of the morning.  I got some sleep but I am wiped out.

The guys never showed and the contractor never answered the phone when I called.  Sooooo no work done on the garage.  Which wouldn’t irritate me (I expected no one due to the holidays) but when you say you are going to have the guys here you’d better have them here.  Pretty much a no call no show.

The kids  and I did get out and do some running before the weather went sour.  All the rain we’d had melted the snow but yesterday the snow turned to snow as the temps dropped  20 degrees in about 12 hours.  The pups had fun and went for a drive.  They got the mandatory treat at the bank,I drove to Kalkaska instead of just going to Traverse while we were in town because they don’t give treats there.  But Moose especially was happy to get his treat.

My mind is still fuzzy and I need to go and review someone’s novel in progress for them on the other site.  So I’ll take my coffee and move on.  Cheers!

Books, Dogs, Emotions, family, Life, Riding, Thinking, Writing

Odds and Beginnings

As I was reaching to start typing this my phone went off.  A slew of notifications about likes and follows on my site.  Made me feel good (even at this early hour).  This morning is an odd one so far.  Stella apparently slept out here on the big dog bed.  She has only done that once or twice before.  Both Moose and Essie are sleeping on the couch.  NOT on the coveted loveseat behind me.  Everyone has fallen back asleep.  Stella has been covered up but I will cover the other two if and when I turn the AC fan on.  Dante is the only “normal” one this morning.  He is at my feet under the table.  He has a thick coat so he’s the only one I don’t have to cover up this time of year.

Part of me hopes the guys don’t show.  I have enjoyed the silence.  But I am extremely disappointed at the progress (or lack there of) on the garage.  I understand that not all of it is their fault.  But damn it.

I pulled out one of my writing books and sat down with it yesterday.  Open mind, not expectations.  I got what I needed and more.  It was Natalie Goldberg’s The True Secret to Writing.  She was actually my first ever writing book.  Mom got it for me, Writing Down the Bones.  It felt like I was stepping back in my personal time.  Instead of thinking the lessons too abstract or not going to work for me something clicked.  Just like it did all those years ago.  I had to put the book down at one point because I didn’t want to devour it all at once and lose something in the inhaling.  So I will pick it back up this morning.

I don’t know why this seems to be an odd morning.  Not Dr. Seuss odd, but not quite right odd.  With all the rain we’ve had the past 24 hours all the snow is gone.  I might take the bike out… but it looks like rain all day with a temperature drop thrown in for good measure.  That’s all I need is to hit black ice on the bike.  But we’ll see.  If the guys don’t show then I just might take the bike to do my running.

Now that everyone has been covered up but me and Dante I suppose I ought to move forward with my day.  I could go on and on here just pouring it all out.  Thanks for reading and hope your day is fab!

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Books, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Thinking, Writing

My Brain, the Junk Drawer… Everything You May or May Not Need

I’m not quite sure what kind of day this will be.  I got a tail snapped in my eye as we got up (Pitty tails really need to be registered as lethal weapons) so I’m not sure how that will look later.  I can tell you it hurts right now.  I didn’t sleep well but I did get some sleep.  I don’t think it is going to be a good back day.  It woke me a few times last night and is a dull ache with the occasional sharp pain.  I am not feeling negative nor positive.

The wind has been strong and steady all night.  I am grateful that the furnace did not blow out.  The wind I think has made me restless in spirit.  On the plus side the snow is once again rapidly disappearing.  There is even talk of rain later.  Soooooo maybe a ride on the bikes for the new year?  We’ll see.

No work on the garage until tomorrow.  I have mixed feelings about that.  But how I feel won’t change it so I need to move on.  Once the garage is done I can vent all I want.  Until then… gotta keep the mouth shut.

I find myself going back to some of my research books for one of my novels.  I did get the novel written.  It needs to be edited.  Then put into the computer (yes I write my first drafts longhand).  Although I do have a handy (pardon the pun) program that my Dad got me called IRIS.  I use a special pen to write with that is hooked to the computer and viola!  I don’t have to type anything in!  It does it automatically.

So much I need to get done today.  Like doing my guitar and writing classes.  I feel better than yesterday, physically and mentally.  I am worried about Dante.  He is very restless.  I’m not sure if it is because he can’t get comfortable or because he hurts.  He’s 15 years old and getting stiff in the joints.  I think this might be his last winter with us.

I used my new fountain pen for the first time yesterday.  It works very well.  My only issue is loading it with ink.  I can either get cartridges or I have one of those refillable ones to pull ink up from a pot of ink.  I can’t get the cartridges I have to works and the refillable one I can’t get to fill all the way.  Maaaaaybe half way if I’m lucky.  Oh well.  Like the bike I just need to use it more and practice.

I’m trying not to make resolutions for the new year.  That has never worked for me.  I instead make a list of suggestions for myself for the new year.  I get more done when I do that.  My mind is all over like the wind.  I apologize for all the random topic changes.  Time, I think, to close the junk drawer for now.  Cheers!

 

Emotions, History, Life, Thinking, Travel

The Beginning of the End or Repeat Episode?

No idea if construction on the garage will continue today or not.  Things in the world seem to be very depressing.  I took a quick glance through the news clips while my laptop loaded up what it needed to and China is going back to commercial whaling, Russians that are their “best and brightest” are being chased from their homeland, I won’t even get into the messes over the wall and Trump that are going on here.

We were watching the 2016 episodes of Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown last night.  We stopped after the London episode (mostly because I had to try to get some sleep to get up early).  That episode happened at the same time Britain pulled out with their Brexit vote.  That under lying panic you see there is a lot like what is going on all over today.  Then there were all the signs at how he was doing.  Hindsight sucks.  Being someone who suffers from depression etc. watching the episodes I can see his unhappiness.  The one that really gets you thinking about it is the Buenos Aires episode where he goes to see a shrink (because apparently that is what everyone does there if they can afford it).  The questions he’s asked and his answers are very telling.  But again, hindsight.

Is the world repeating itself?  Are we in one big depression (not just economically but emotionally as well)?  How many of the “signs” of this situation would we see by watching old news episodes?  Things just seem to be spinning faster and faster out of control.  It’s little things now but they will get bigger.  When will it stop?  Will it stop?

The world is becoming an even scarier place to be.  I am curious to see where we end up.

Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Thinking

Holiday Wishes

Mountains, zombies and garden were the suggested search words for reading blogs on WordPress this morning.  Lol.  I am not at all sure where the zombie suggestion came from!

I hope everyone is having or does have a good day with family and friends.  It will be quiet here at our house and that is fine with me.  I feel self conscious because there was no money to get anyone any gifts this year.  No one cares except me it seems.  But my loving husband got me gifts anyway.  Not much to be sure because money is tight for him as well but it is still something.  I made puppy treats yesterday.  That was my big thing.  I did scrub various parts of the house that were is desperate need of it the day before.  I guess that could be a gift of sorts.

Does it really matter?  It shouldn’t but it does.  Atleast to me.  I’m not one of those who will happily sit while gifts are bestowed upon them.  I like to give.  It might not be much but I try.

I took some pictures this morning trying to get the cool color shadings as the sun made it’s way up.  I picked two but they still don’t do the colors justice.  There were purples, blues and pinks to my eye.  But the camera didn’t see it that way.  I did get some nice shading.  Let me know what you think.

Take care and Happy Holidays to everyone!

 

Dogs, Emotions, family, Holiday, Life, Thinking

Christmas Contemplation

I could scroll through the blogs and read them for hours if I let myself.  The snow seems to have taken over while we were asleep last night.  There goes our first plow truck for the day.  A neighbor is snow blowing for the first time this season.  Once the truck is gone though it is strangely silent.  I just hear the soft breathing of the Pitties and the hum of the laptop.  Snow tends to do that I find.  It’s like being wrapped in cotton.   It does look pretty out but I am glad I don’t have to go anywhere.  I think we got three or so inches.

Tomorrow is Christmas.  Mom isn’t coming so that means it will just be us.  I am sad that Mom isn’t coming over but I completely understand why.  And for those wondering why we don’t just pack up and go to her house, her fencing is bad so our kids would be inclined to leave her yard and explore.  Not to mention her two have never met our four.  We have enough space to introduce everyone one at a time but Mom doesn’t.  And I get the feeling that Mom just wants to be alone.  After family time tomorrow Chris and I will probably be spending a lot of time either on our phones or computers connecting with the rest of our family.

I find that I have made some improvements on myself in the time I have had off.  I am grateful for that.  I was very low and in a deep rut.  Hopefully after the new year begins I can find a new job doing something I like.  Something new I think.  We’ll see what is available after the holidays.

I hope everyone has a good holiday with their family and friends.  Even if it is just by calling them on the phone.  Cheers!2251d1dc-ba30-4bd2-bbec-b13a7d909f0f-2282-000000776a783b37_file

 

Emotions, Life, Motorcycles, Riding, Thinking

Riding Riding Everywhere

Gah!  I got sucked in reading another blog, Roxy Travels.  She’s on a road trip with her Honda Fireblade going through Europe.  I am envious, as I sit here and watch the snow fall.  And I need to get back in the saddle again.  I am so afraid of messing the new bike up some how I am completely inept to ride of care for him.  I feel like I’m going to drop him if I try to move him by pushing him.  Or I am extra careful riding because if something happens I can’t afford to get him fixed.  Things like that.  It is very frustrating because I love my bike.

My other bike, the Black Pearl or Pearl for short, I had no problems with.  I rode her hard and moved her on my own… and she weighs a lot more than Rogue.  But with her I was comfortable.  She’s dinged up and I’m not worried about that.  I’m focused on riding.  I throw a leg over Rogue and I start worrying about everything (including riding).  It defeats the purpose.

I still have the Pearl but I need to replace one of her engine cases as a hole was worn through it when I had to lay her down when some idiot pulled out in front of me.  I want to fix her up and use her for track days eventually.  But if I can’t get through a full season with Rogue there is no point.  I need the practice and to believe in myself.

This situation has been really really hard for me this past riding season.  As much as I wanted to ride I found myself making up excuses because I was scared to ride.  Friends would want to take our bikes out for the day and I was petrified.  I was scared I’d ride too far over my head.

I need to get past my ego as well.  I am one of a rare breed of female rider up here in the Great White North…. I ride a sportbike.  There might be a handful of other females who ride a sportbike.  But I think less than 10 in the area.  If that.  So all the guys think it’s cool that a female rides but a sportbike?  That is something awesome to be treasured!  So I’m a bit of a novelty.  I admit that I revel in the attention but it comes at a cost inside.

I started up Rogue the other day in the hopes of getting a ride in once the ice melted more on the driveway (our driveway is dirt so you can find a clear path sometimes). But we got rain and then it turned to snow and we ended up with more ice.  Roads were clear up til then too.  We had a warm patch that melted most of the snow.  Would I have actually gone?  I don’t know.  I think so.  I have a tendency to push myself and do things when no one else would.  Besides I have heated gear to wear.  Regardless if felt sooooo good to hear Rogue purr at me again!  I had happy tears.

So this next riding season I need to get on it, literally, and go.  The hardest thing will be the anxiety and not being able to sleep as well as the panic attacks.  I get myself worked up over what could happen.  Yes I am prepared but I get stuck in the negative.

I have so many good memories riding too.  Either by myself of with my husband.  I’ve only been on my own bike for a few years and there is much more for me to learn.  I need to start from the inside.  I can do this.  Once I get going I have fun.  It’s the stopping and being around other people.  I just want to keep going.

The best thing for me with the garage is that all three bikes (my two and my husband’s one) will not only fit in the garage but they will have their own entrance as well as a nice big cement pad that runs the length of the garage to park on under a good metal awning.  THAT is my favorite thing!

Wow!  This has been a long one.  Thanks for reading!  Cheers!

 

 

 

Life, Thinking

Silence Can Be Golden…

Is that silence I hear?  It’s almost deafening this morning.  The skies are still dark.  Sadly we got some snow yesterday.  The ground had been practically clear.  The kids are all snoozing in various parts of the living room.  I got an extra hour and a half of sleep but I am still a bit groggy.

I hear a blue jay calling outside.  Everything else is still.  It’s the kind of morning where you just want to zone out and put your brain and life on idle for a while.  A rather nice Winnie the Pooh type day really.  Make fun if you will but I read Winnie the Pooh to the family to help them sleep.  I rather enjoy it.

I will practice my guitar later today but right now I think I will just be in the moment.  No one is fussing at me for attention.  Nothing has to be done.  No one is coming over or going anywhere.  I will just sit and listen to the birds (I believe this one is a chickadee… I’m going by sound because the curtains are closed).

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