I stare at the wall groping for something to write about. I start touching the keys on the laptop and start to freak because the screen is showing nothing that I’m typing. It is blank. I tap a few more keys and suddenly things are appearing on the screen. With a mental sigh I continue typing, fearful that it will happen again.
It a lot like writing. I stare off into space hoping for something around me (or in me if it happens to be a blank wall) to trigger something to write. I starting putting words down to find that they don’t make a lick of sense. Or that I think I have nothing to say. And that scares me. Even once the words start to flow I’m terrified I’ll lose them. (Both figuratively and literally (yes I know I’m essentially giving them away once I share them work with me here) and that is why with my stories and novels I have to write with paper and pen atleast the first draft. And I don’t edit well on screen. I usually print out anything I have to edit.)
This is going to take me forever if I can’t get my mind to focus. I got news this morning that two friends from Indianapolis were involved in a serious motorcycle accident yesterday. Both in the hospital, unfortunately different hospitals because her husband was airlifted to another hospital due to his critical condition. So my mind keeps going back to them. It must have been very bad if she was treated for extensive road rash (wearing full gear makes that a bad situation) and her husband not only has swelling of the brain but a chip missing from a spinal bone which may or may not have caused paralysis. My mind keeps worrying around this like one of my dogs licking something to stay awake.
I guess that’s one of the reasons I don’t enjoy riding as much anymore. The other vehicles are getting faster and the drivers are getting more and more careless. There is only so much you can do to keep yourself safe. That being said I find myself wanting to take the bike out. And I can promise you that if I don’t go out when it hits me like this to ride I probably won’t go out later. That’s how my anxiety works. And I will get bad enough that I get the shakes and bring on a full panic attack if I try to force myself later. But we’ll see. Maybe there is a light at the end of this.
So please watch out for motorcycles. It’s scary enough out there.