family, Writing

When to Give Up Trying

When do you give up trying?  I don’t have a good answer for that.  As I sit here racked with anxiety not only my writing but over money now too.  Try as I may I can’t seem to get my writing off the ground.  I am stuck in the non-fiction loop.  My fiction is where I shine.  But I try to write fiction and my imagination shrivels up.  So I go back to non-fiction because it’s better than not writing at all.  Then this morning I go to check for my unemployment payment and there is nothing there.  I have bills that I have to get paid and there is no money to pay them.  And I am terrified I am going to lose it all.

I could probably get a part time job locally but I am afraid to leave the house.  Not in an extreme way, not yet.  But I get decidedly anxious when I need to leave to go somewhere.  I do need to get out and be in the outside world.  And I’m usually fine once I get there.  But those first steps..

So I guess I could apply that to my writing.  Just keep going and it will get easier once you get your momentum.  But how easy is it to follow your own advice, no matter how much sense it makes?   I will continue to do this.  I have to.  And I will have to figure out how much money I need a month and hopefully find a part time job to take care of bills.

Now my mind has gone to “well if you get a job you need to know when you are going to see the in-laws, which holiday.”  I hate it when my mind does this…   My mind was never this anxious or negative when I was younger.  What happened?  I am still a positive person.  I can still be happy.  When and why did by brain turn in on itself?

I can do this.  The only one not supporting me is me.  I can do this.

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