family, Writing

Movin’ Along Lickity Split

Wow!  I woke up to a great gift!  I belong to a writing site (Writing.Com a great site if you are a wittier) and I have the free membership.  I have been working on the blogs and my reviews but I am making it a point to get more involved in the writing community.  So I get on Writing.Com everyday and do some interaction.  I might review a piece someone has written or I might just comment on something in a forum.  It’s fun.  Well this morning I get up and get on the site to find that someone has gifted me a six month upgraded membership!  How cool is that?!  I had tears in my eyes.

THAT is one of the reasons I rejoined that site after being gone a few years.  The support.  You forget that even the most agoraphobic of us needs outside support of some kind.  And, no offense to friends and family support, that means a lot.  People you don’t even know helping you toward your goals.  You expect friends and family to be there in some capacity for you.  Not complete strangers.

And with that outside support I am gonna do my best work.  So today I am gonna do a new story on the site.  I am tempted to start a blog there a well.  Maybe that will specifically for writing topics… See?  the wheels are already turning!  Sigh.  This is AWESOME!!!

So feel free to support someone you don’t know follow their dreams.  Even if it’s just a kind word or a pat on the back.  You don’t know the huge amount of good your one small gesture can do.  It can be the thing that lights the fire to get that person going lickity split to their dreams and beyond.

family, retail, Writing

Themes and Holidays

It’s hard to know what to write on this.  People say you should pick a different theme each time and write forever on it.  I can’t do that. I don’t do politics.  That is not the kind of energy I want to put out into the world.  But what else can I do that is relevant?  Or do I just keep doing the same thing each time?  I don’t know.  I suppose then I ought to do some more research and see what I can find.

Meanwhile back here at the Griffin Zoo and Racing Emporium we have turned the furnace on. I hated to.  Tomorrow is the last day of September.  I hate the cold.  This year is going to be especially painful for everyone I think.  Stella’s hips and knees are getting a little worse as it gets colder.  Dante’s back and hips aren’t doing well either.  Essie is having problems getting on the bed (it is on the floor so Dante can get up) which she never had before.  My right hand is beginning to show bad strong signs of arthritis at the base of my first finger and pinky.  And everything in me seems to crack when I move the past two days.  And that is just the stuff I know about!

I am drinking some interesting coffee this morning.  It’s that VitaCoffee stuff.  It’s being advertised all over the place it seems.  It has your daily allotted vitamins and in one type it has extra vitamins to help boost not just your energy but superboost your thinking as well.  I got a free sample to try.  I am very bad at taking any kind of pill so I thought I never forget to drink coffee…  And if it will help my thinking as well then that is an added bonus.  I will let everyone know what happens (or doesn’t as the case my be).

The month of October brings many things for me.  It brings the joy and happiness of Halloween (giggity!!! I’m ‘”normal” for a month!) as well as chillier days.  It has always been dreaded by me as well because when working retail once October was over that was the beginning of the silly season.  And being a manager of two departments also meant extra work for the next three months (once the holidays were done we had inventory to contend with and we had to draw maps of all our departments as well as sticker each arm and shelf and be part of the counting process).   This year no long hours.  No open past 9 and 10pm.  No early opens.  No coupons.  No scrambling to fill in shifts when someone has called off.  No cranky customers wanting things for free.  No major floor moves.  No trucks to unload or put away three times a week.

This is going to be very different this year.  I don’t have to drive 30-45 minutes to get to work.  I don’t have to make that drive in bad weather.  I can actually be home with my family for Thanksgiving.  I can even cook if I want to (this will be a first in 15 years… each year we seemed to open earlier and earlier, last year we opened at noon on Thanksgiving and stayed open right through Black Friday at 10pm).

I was always very resentful (actually it should be resent full because I was that angry) because people would always feel sorry for those of us who worked and moan with us… but they were still there at those stupid hours shopping.  If you feel so bad about it why are you here shopping?  I was never in a good mood because I felt that (still do) people and companies are being greedy.  I hated being controlled to do things that contradicted the holidays (holy days) for the sake of the almighty dollar.  It never did us any good.  We lost time from our families that we could never get back.  The people in Corporate stayed home with their families for the holidays while we busted ass to line their pockets.  They got six figure bonuses while our raises never broke a dollar.  I am completely serious.  35 cents was a big raise in the company I worked for.  the only time you got over a dollar is if you changed your position (became full time, a manager etc.).    Is there any surprise that there was anger and resentment in the stores?

Anyway, pardon me as I get off my high horse.  The holidays will be much different this year.  And no, I don’t plan on going shopping Black Friday.  So it will be new and interesting.  Family time actually with family.  Such a concept!

And now I will go and treat myself to an old school horror movie.  Maybe something with Vincent Price or Peter Cushing.


Feeling Better

Things are better today.  Money will be coming in and I can still use this time to write.  Things are shaping up with the garage.  That will be started either Monday or Tuesday.  I was able to get the medicine for the kids as well.  I have done all my running and can stay home for the rest of the day.

I made Star Wars waffles for the husband for breakfast.  I need to switch out dishes and make puppy treats as well.  The treats are way past due.  They aren’t that hardtop make but the motivation is hard to find.  Especially since I don’t go anywhere so I don’t have to have them when I leave.  But the kids have been very good and patient with me.  They deserve something.

Stopping my Mom’s every few days seems to make her two pups happy.  They normally don’t play much but when I was there this morning they were happily bouncing each other and growling at each other.  Mom was happily surprised.

My four are asleep in various places.  I guess I threw the ball and Frisbee enough to tried them out (thank goodness!).  That means I will get a short reprieve while I am doing this and if I seem bust to them.  As soon as I stop typing or stretch they will be back at me to play.  Which isn’t bad as it keeps me busy as well.

My stomach is reminding me I need to eat something.  So I guess a sandwich and back to my review books.  Once I have done a few pages in each I’ll let myself either read my fiction or maybe some old horror movies.  I found quite a few gems on Amazon Prime to watch.  I’m hoping to have enough to be able to eek out a few extra dollars a month to get Shudder.  The selection is AMAZING!




As I sit here typing away I feel the anxiety begin to grow within me.  Anxiety that I will have to function in the world once this has been typed and saved.  I have lost my job of 15 years due to company bankruptcy.  I had the brilliant idea of making a go of getting serious about my writing.  See about getting published on a regular basis so I wouldn’t have to deal with the public anymore.  I’ve signed up for unemployment while I try to get this all going.  The first few days went well.  I relaxed and sent out a few queries and got a reviewing job (a small magazine with minimal pay but I need to start somewhere and I enjoy reading the magazine).  Weeks have gone by and I have entered a few contests.  I have started another blog (which has no one reading it).  I have rejoined various writing sites I belonged to in the past.

Not only have my words and ideas dried up and blown away but I have noticed that I am most happy when I do not have to leave the house.  If I need to leave I am instantly angry at whatever the reason is that I am leaving for (unless it is a quick trip to the store or in a panic taking a hurt dog to the emergency vet).  I am usually fine once I get where I am going but the trip may or may not go well.  Music helps.

I haven’t ridden my beloved motorcycle for almost a month now.  I even contemplate taking him out to just go around the block and a full blown panic attack will set in.  Will I mess up and screw up my dream bike?  Will some other idiot who is not paying attention do it?  No one pays attention when they drive anymore.  They have driven this way so often it is muscle memory so they play with their phone, the radio, text, anything but seeing what is going on around them.  Surely someone else will see them and stop in time!

And there is everything else that could possibly go wrong.  What is the people I rescued the puppy from decide to try to get her back or just destroy something or hurt one of my other dogs (unlikely as the people do NOT know where I live)?  What if someone doesn’t like big dogs or Pitbulls and tries to get the kids taken away from me?  What if unemployment doesn’t go through and I have to step back into the work force (that brings another dose of anxiety)?  What if????

So I stay home as much as I can.  I make myself do things around the house like clean, bake, work out in the yard, exercise, play with the kids.  I make myself try to function because if I didn’t all I would do would be either sit and reread books or sit and watch old horror movies.  Thank the Goddess for my Mom taking me out a few weeks ago.  I got some new books to read.  All I seem to do is reread my old ones.  They are like a comfort blanket or stuffed animal I haul around and get lost in.  I know what is going to happen.  I am safe.

I sit here on the floor as I type this and look around at my stacks of help books.  Mostly for writing, a few fiction, one on anxiety and a smattering of others.  My dogs are snoozing around me in the living room as this is my writing time.  Once I turn off the laptop they will wake up to get attention, go potty and just be up for the day.  I love them more than I can say.  My husband is still sleeping because he works nights.  He has been so patient with me (and the dogs).  He tries to understand but he has his own problems he is dealing with (not the least of which is his Mom being diagnosed with cancer in her lung).  I love him more than I can say.  Family and friends have been very supportive.  But here I am. A big (I almost typed little…HA) ball of anxiety.  I have just about everything going for me and I can barely function some days.

So I reach out to strangers…