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Lost

I haven’t written on here for a few months. I was so gung-ho about doing a blog again…. This is what happens. I am so pumped and excited about doing something but then it wears off. I get bored. Or scared. Or I just don’t know what to do.
I signed up for three classes online that I was soooo excited about! But I dropped out of two of them. The third I have done nothing with. Part of it is work. Things have become more difficult with lack of people to work and lack of hours. I am doing the job of atleast five people anymore. This is also the start of the idiot season. (I hate this time of year both because of work and because my motorcycle is put away for the season.) By the time I get home from work I have given everything I can….110%. I am exhausted. And I still need to take care of my animal family.
I am to the point that I resent my job. Hate is a word that fits as well. I give so much (especially dealing with the public) I have nothing for myself. Nothing. No hopes. No dreams. No energy. I am lost.
I would say I miss writing but I don’t know. It’s been so long since I seriously wrote. So long since I cared and trusted myself. I am an empty vessel.
I am optimistic for a while then something happens and it is all gone. I must start from scratch.
I find myself being negative a lot of the time it seems. The cold moving in does not help.
But I have my family and friends and I try to work thru it. I don’t think they realize half of what goes thru my head. It would probably scare them if they did!
I’m going thru various books hoping to find something to latch on to. Today I got one of my favorites from years past (no longer in print etc (think you Amazon!)). “Deep Writing” by Eric Maisel. I have started it many times but never got far because it was always a borrowed copy. Now I have my own copy.
As a Witch this time of the year always symbolizes looking within. I’m hoping to do just that. I just need to find the keys. Or a lock pick. Things have been locked up for too long.

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